|
| | | 
Guru Member
 
Group: Foundation Member
Last Login: 2 days ago @ 10:23:18 p.m.
Posts: 110, Visits: 149 |
| WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.
A ten-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color...
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
BoB |
| |
| | | 
Guru Member
Group: Foundation Member
Last Login: Yesterday @ 7:28:27 p.m.
Posts: 328, Visits: 467 |
| Women Are Subtle By Nature
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her
Hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes.. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her
Forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth
And allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered,
"There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."
Shooter |
| |
| | |
Guru Member
Group: Foundation Member
Last Login: Yesterday @ 7:28:27 p.m.
Posts: 328, Visits: 467 |
| Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says,"Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.
By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard.
By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no problem.
I'm gonna be sixty next week and now I can bend it in half with just one hand."
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get.”
Shooter |
| |
| | |
Guru Member
Group: Foundation Member
Last Login: Yesterday @ 7:28:27 p.m.
Posts: 328, Visits: 467 |
| At the end of the tax year, the IRD office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the IRD agent was checking the books he turned to the CEO of the hospital and said, "I notice
you buy a lot of bandages.
What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?"
"Good question," noted the CEO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.
"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?"
"Ah, yes," replied the CEO, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question . "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us
a free package of plaster."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CEO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CEO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRD Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."
Shooter |
| |
| | |
Guru Member
Group: Foundation Member
Last Login: Yesterday @ 7:28:27 p.m.
Posts: 328, Visits: 467 |
| THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine...
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
'Good trade.'
Shooter |
| |
|
|