Auckland Blues manager sends scouts out round the
world looking for a new player to hopefully win them the Super 14   again.
One scout informs him of a talented young Iraqi winger.
The coach flies to Iraq to watch him, is suitably impressed and arranges
for him to come over to play for the Blues. Two weeks later, The Blues are 30-0 down at home to the Hurricanes   with only 20 minutes left.

The coach gives the young Iraqi winger the nod
to go on.
The lad is a sensation, scores 6 tries in 20 minutes and wins
the game for the Blues.
When he comes off the field he phones his Mum to tell
her about his first day playing Rugby for the Blues.
"Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today,
we were 30-0 down, but I scored 6 tries and we won.
Everybody loves me, the fans, the players and the media,
They all love me".

"Great," says his Mum, "now let me tell you about my day".
"Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were
attacked and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters,
all while you were having a great time.

The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, I'm so sorry.

"Sorry?!" says his Mum "It's your fault that we moved to
South Auckland in the first place!"

Shooter

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads
to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just
love me for who I am and not what I d o for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went
to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend
time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just
buy them all.

She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said,
"Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I
was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine,
honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the
excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think
this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I
don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me,
I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things
I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.... but at least
she knows I'm smarter than her.

A big earthquake with the strength of  8.1 on the Richter scale has hit Pakistan.

Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.

The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to

start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

The United States is sending troops to help.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Latin American countries are sending supplies.

New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

The rest of the European community ( except France ) is sending money.

The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding infrastructure.

Australia is sending medical teams and supplies

The Brits & Canada, not to be outdone, are sending two million replacement Pakistanis, with another million on standby if needed!

God Bless generosity.

"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being

governed by those who are dumber" - PLATO

1

1

A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, "Have

> you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter

> asked.

>

> Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on

> a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a

> gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I

> directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

> So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker

> and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped

> out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled,

> "Now, back off!! Or I'll 'beat the crap out of all of you !"

>

> St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

> Just a couple minutes ago"

>

Shooter

Enjoy

Shooter

Shooter

Shooter